The longest we have lived anywhere since being married is almost four years. We have been in our current home for 2 1/2 years. There’s this thing that happens when you’re accustomed to moving frequently - you start to get antsy when you’re in one place for long. I just watched my parents move to a new state and another friend is getting ready to move this summer. My honest reaction has been one of slight jealousy because it has created an itch for change in me. When I sit back and really think about it, I don’t want to move. I actually feel pretty at home where we’re at now. What I have noticed, however, is that life has felt pretty dull to me lately. Not that I’m not busy - I have plenty of stuff going on. It just all feels mundane and I’m missing excitement, adventure, and just…I don’t know, I need NEW.
Anyway, it’s caused me to do a lot of internal reflecting lately to figure out what is lacking in my life that’s causing me to feel so blah. And I think it hit me today as I sat looking at this little corner of our house. We’ve been doing a lot of landscaping projects the past few months and that tree (above) and the flowers are just a few items that haven’t found their home yet. The tree because it arrived broken and we’re hoping the company will replace it; so we’re holding off on planting. The flower because we just ran out of space in our planters and haven’t decided where to put them. I realized that I am kind of feeling like these poor plants. I don’t really know what I’m doing and kind of feel like everyone else is passing me by.
I’ve really wanted to start speaking more, but nothing has come together. I’ve thought about going back to school because I see so many other people doing it. I’ve considered going back to work full time because I’m so bored. I also have this grand idea to host a retreat/conference locally - but I’ve been paralyzed from taking action. I just can’t seem to make a decision or act on ANYTHING and I’ve caught myself playing the comparison game a lot the past month or so. Which is SO unlike me - I spent my 30s getting out of that trap and honestly haven’t paid much attention to what everyone else is achieving in years. But, that’s apparently what happens when I’m bored and have no direction - I start to look at what everyone around me is DOING and I see how much I’m NOT doing.
It feels really uncomfortable to make that admission publicly, but I’ve been touting vulnerability so much lately I feel like it would be unfair of me to hold back. I don’t really tell you this for sympathy. I just want you to know I’m in the arena with you. In fact, writing this post is my attempt to get myself out of the rut. It’s taking action and I’m hopeful that if I start to DO, things will begin to fall into place.
If you’re feeling the rut right now, my challenge to you is do ONE thing. Just one. Let’s do it together. If you need some encouragement to move, I’m happy to be your accountability partner - just reach out. Sometimes a little push from someone else is what we need.